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Time Travel

February 24, 2013

The old me thought,
in bright-eyed, misplaced naïveté,
that I would never dream of changing
what transpired between us.

I thought
that the walk across shattered glass had been worth it,
in the end.

I thought
that the wisdom gathered could be gathered
no other way.

The old me thought that the strength and beauty I discovered within myself
had to be discovered through you.

I thought that traveling back, undoing it all
would leave me still wondering,
still pining,
still drifting.

But many days have passed now,
many nights, many hours of thinking and imagining
and twisting my hair and biting my lip
and wishing….useless, aimless, fruitless wishing
have lapsed between what didn’t happen
and this moment,
this moment,
when I awoke from dreams to the fully-formed
knowledge that
if I could close the loop I would.
If I could go back and undo all we did and didn’t do
and think and say and want,
I would.

The lessons learned this time were learned before.
The leopard doesn’t change his spots.
The thing I need most is the thing you could never give me.
The thing I fear most is the refuge you will always seek.
If it was meant to be, it would have been.

I knew this then, I know this now.
I’d close the loop.
I’d take it back.
I’d save us both the heartache and the sadness and the wishing and the pretending and the roller-coaster that never ended,

and I’d just accept, the first time around,
what was always,
ever true.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 25, 2013 3:42 pm

    Shannon, this is lovely. The line about walking on shattered glass is especially nice. I think there are many people who can relate to this.

    • February 25, 2013 3:47 pm

      Thanks Elizabeth! Amazing how time can change one’s perspective, sometimes gradually…sometimes all at once. Of course it goes against what Stephen King says about time travel in 11/22/63, which is that changing the past never makes the future better. 🙂 But who knows, if it were possible, what changes to the past would do to the present.

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