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Bad Habit

October 23, 2011

Maybe if I smoked
I’d have a better reason
for being outside
on my deck
in the fading day.

Maybe if I was feeding
an addiction to
nicotine and tar and
inhaling smoke and exhaling
stress
I’d have a better reason to be outside, wrapped in a blanket
shielded against the cooling.

Maybe if I was engaged in the ritual –
tapping, choosing, lighting
breathing deeply in,
blowing smoke rings out,
watching them twist and drift and
float away on the sunset
I’d be able to explain why
I was lingering in my lounge chair,
twisting my hair, thinking, dreaming…

Maybe if I smoked
I wouldn’t have to explain to the neighbors
that no, no I’m fine,
I’m just out here,
indulging my desire
to languish in the gloaming,
to be lit
by twilight.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. November 1, 2011 10:35 pm

    Your writing is beautiful.

  2. November 2, 2011 2:15 pm

    Megan, Thank you so much! 🙂

  3. November 2, 2011 9:49 pm

    I did some of my best thinking when I was a smoker.

    This was written beautifully!

    • November 2, 2011 9:52 pm

      I usually hang out with the smokers…much better conversations! 😉

      Thanks so much!!

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