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July 19, 2011

I long for peace,

for time away from thinking

about the things I should most be thinking about,

time away from doing

the things I should most be doing,

so I drown myself in

a river of words…

reading a book, two books,

three books in a week sometimes;

losing  myself

in some fictional almost-me’s feelings and needs and wants

and unreachable goals

and struggles that may or may not

be overcome.

I long to relinquish control over my own life,

my own path,

to some omnscient, benevolent narrator,

some third person storyteller,

who will tell my story

better than I have lived it.

I long for someone else to remove the obstacles,

to figure out the logistics,

to make it all just work, just work!

But life isn’t books,

and books aren’t life,

and the more I read the more I see –

I must be the one,

I must plan my own escape,

I must remove my own obstacles,

I must face my own fears,

and I am the only one who can live

my own life.

The only person I need to escape from

is me.

The only person in my way

is me.

The only person who can save me

from me

is me.


4 Comments leave one →
  1. lifeunderacarolinamoon permalink
    July 19, 2011 12:51 pm

    Wow. I can relate…

    • July 19, 2011 1:40 pm

      Thanks for the wow! 🙂 I think it’s universal but we all get there at our own time in our own way, you know?

  2. July 19, 2011 12:55 pm

    Very good. The ache of the heart to know who’s responsible for one’s self.

    • July 19, 2011 1:39 pm

      Sometimes it takes awhile to get there but honestly – you have to take care of you. No one can save you but you.

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