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Say My Name

December 23, 2010

December 23 – New Name Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

If I could go by another name for one day, I would stick with my name, Shannon. One day? Not worth trying to remember another name.

But if I were to change my name permanently, I would use my middle name, Gray.

It’s my mother’s maiden name, and I am the youngest person to have it, and no males have it so, I hope one of my girls uses it in the name of one of her children (way way way way in the future.)

Gray is shadowy, dark, mysterious. Gray has a past, Gray has secrets.

Gray is strong, not codependent, not a peacemaker.

Gray is smart, beautiful, in control.

She also probably had a book published before she was 30 and Gray knows what she wants. Gray runs and listens to indie bands and has a Mac. Gray is never really happy, always cool and crisp and hip but never truly happy.

But I wonder if maybe it’s too much, being Gray. Maybe she cries on Thursdays and drinks too much. Maybe she lives in the shadows because the light is too bright and the truth is too painful. Maybe she’s afraid her second book will never be finished, or it won’t live up to the hype or maybe she worries that nothing will ever be just right and maybe she secretly hates the indie music and wishes she could just listen to Britney Spears and sing along to Christmas music and just be happy sometimes.

Maybe it’s better being Shannon, where everything is possible and the world is mostly good and there’s plenty of Britney on the iPod and even when sometimes it feels like too much, there is someone around to help shoulder the burden and Shannon, somehow, is learning to let people in, let people help.

I’m not sure Gray ever could.

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