There’s a new year coming. And every year I make resolutions and every year I bite off too much and every year I just quit. Give up. And that is not who I want to be. I don’t want to be a cliche, I don’t want to be a quitter. I don’t want to WANT all these things but not be able to make them happen. And so why, why, why do I keep on being that person? One of the great truths I have discovered along the way – people do what works for them. So on some level, this works for me. But I don’t like it.
This is an issue I continue to address in therapy. And one of the things I do is reframing – taking a negative thought or pattern and describing the feeling it invokes…then reframing that thought in a positive way and describing the way THAT makes me feel. It kind of logics me out of being negative and stupid and continuing to do things that make me feel things I don’t want to feel.
Another thing I continue to work on is being realistic, and to stop expecting so much from myself. And stop allowing that expectation of perfection to paralyze me. One of my breakthrough moments was saying “If only God is perfect, yet I continue to expect perfection from myself, isn’t that saying that I think I can be like God? How egotistical is THAT?”
This year I am going to make a list of things that I would like to learn, instead of making resolutions. Some of them may be silly to you, but they mean something to me. And sometimes I may not be successful…and while that scares me in some ways, maybe it needs to be that way. Maybe failing, maybe being less than perfect, maybe learning something but not being awesome at it is something I have actually failed at doing.
And the lesson is waiting, isn’t it? So maybe. Maybe that lesson – the Shannon-isn’t-perfect-but-that’s-ok lesson, is what I’m really going to learn in 2011. And if I don’t quite get it, well, that’s OK. There’s always 2012.